BEING A FRIEND

Our friendship, for some

time, has been uncertain, waving

between inseparable and making

new friends that were, quite

honestly, nothing like the original.

But the school year has

settled and we have come back, as

we always do, missing

one another, but still unsure of how

close we really are. Until last

night, you told me that I make

you feel smart. The best

compliment you could have

possibly given to me as your friend. That

under normal circumstances, you feel

rather average, but with me

you feel smart.

It seemed solidifying, because

with you, I feel social

and comfortable

and seen

and appreciated.

But now it is tomorrow, and tragedy

has befallen your school. A lost

member to your own

third grade team, gone off

in the night while asleep never

to return to school to teach

the students who found her once

so permanent.

I did not know this teacher, but you

did. This teacher was part

of your every day life, a constant

in school when you did not feel

so adequate as a beginning

teacher. And now

she is ripped from reality.

I offered to talk, and you said

that I might get a call

from you later. It is

later now, and I am still

waiting, putting all on hold

just for you, in case the phone

rings. I want to be there. The friend

that makes you feel smart. I hope

I can still be what you need, because now

you don’t need to feel smart

but safe

and I want to help you feel that way.

So I will wait, putting

Jacob on hold and eying

the screen of my phone any

moment I can, just to see

if I can be the person

you need now.